The Soul of the World

From The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho:

“‘That’s the principle that governs all things,’ he said.  ‘In alchemy, it’s called the Soul of the World.  When you want something with all of your heart, that’s when you are closest to the Soul of the World.  It’s always a positive force.’  He also said that this was not just a human gift, that everything on the face of the earth has a soul, whether mineral, vegetable, or animal — or even a simple thought.  ‘Everything on earth is being continuously transformed, because the earth is alive…and it has a soul.  We are part of that soul, so we rarely recognize that it is working for us.’”

This book has been such a wonderful read for so many of my students, especially the boys.  I highly, highly recommend it for any 13-15 year old.  They “get it” and the message they are getting fantastic.  The quote reminds me of a discussion I had with a dear friend regarding the power of intention.  The power of intention maintains that when powerful thoughts and emotions are present in our consciousness, we create a certain self-fulfilling prophecy.  Thus, in theory, a person who dwells in constant fear of getting cancer may in fact push that into reality…getting seriously sick.  On the flip side, a person who constantly strives for success will become a successful person.  This seems really obvious.  Except, how does one explain when perfectly healthy and successful people get cancer and perfectly successful people wind up crashing an entire corporation amid scandal and fraud?  So, if this is true, then I must be screwed.  Funny, I used to just be worried about the Freudian notion of becoming my mom.  Now I have to also fear becoming my fff-ed up thoughts too.

I realize that I spend so much of my life sleepwalking.  Literally, I’m exhausted.  It is the weight, the medication, the thyroid, and television.  “Your parents were right, TV is slowly rotting your brain.  See, I just told you that and you are still watching….” – Dennis Leary for the Hulu commercial.  Seriously, I am just existing and not really living.  I hurt more and more each day.  I take less medication as I can’t stand it.  I could sleep right on through all of next week and be perfectly content switching bodies with my cat.  The idea of stretching out on my floor in a nice patch of mid-day sunshine is more appealing than sex.  God, sex….that is a whole other life ago.  It is really sad how I have murdered that part of me.  If I am indeed made up of a bunch of mini-personalities, than the really careless and lazy ones have been driving the bus.  Other “Me’s,” like “sexy girl” and “tough stuff” are on some permanent sabbatical.  What happened to that coy and lusty seductress?  Where has the fighter and gym rat run off too?  Heck, even an easy-going stroll-taker/bike rider would be a welcome relief to the piece of crap couch potato.  Where are you are hiding…I sure miss you’s??

Back to that Coelho idea about the Soul of the World.  If that notion is right, then if my intentions are clear and positive, I can achieve my goals….right?  Cool, so let me be clear.  I intend to get healthy, even in the face of utter exhaustion, pain, and a serious lack of internal motivation.  I want to finish writing something this summer.  I want to find a way to like tennis again.  I want to make my home feel more homey.  I want to get a handle on my finances.

That seems clear enough.  So how about this one?  I want to get back being a spiritually alive person.  Not a zealot, but inspired, connected, and grounded.  That might be the clue to all the above wants.  I can remember when I felt like that at one point.  I used to go for long bike rides in open fields, and then walks through the arboretum, and sit in a sandalwood-scented Buddhist temple meditating.  It was so wonderful.

“House” is an excellent TV show.  Hugh Laurie’s character is so extreme.  I think that anyone with an addictive personality would understand him.  He isolates, dominates, throws up walls, uses humor (scarcasm) to deflect experiencing other emotions, obsesses over work, and – of course – self-medicates.  I get it.  Although I do have Codine meds for pain, I opt for food.  The smell, the act of eating, feeling full…that is my medicine.  I’ve overcome it at times.  I’ve ruled out mindless bingeing.  But it has been a while since I’ve felt that way.  Lately, I just have nothing in the tank.  I need to ask myself, “is this a medical, mental, or spiritual issue?”  Probably a combination of all three.

There are times where I can leave behind all the nuerorses that disconnect me from the soul of the world.  There are times when I can shut my eyes, take a deep breath, float free of being trapped in a physical existence, and be so etherial that I touch that place.  In those moments I find that I’m smiling at something small, I’m filled with profound creativity, and that I want for nothing.  If only I could find that more frequently.

Today is Memorial Day.  Summer starts on Memorial Day with pools opening, parks full of picnics, and park district programs launching.  I feel a little differently about today.  I reflect on my Dad’s dad: Popo.  He was in the Army.  I miss him so much some times.  He was a hugh, handsome, strong, and tough German.  He never had the luxury of having a higher education, he worked as a pipe-fitter, he had only one son (who he loved so much), he had three grand daughters…he loved us too.  He was not a rich man, not even close.  He worked hard, lived frugally, and valued things like a nice crop of beans grown in his own summer garden.  I need to strive for that.  I need to remember that Popo’s spirit is alive in my Dad…and me.  If I can remember that, then I’ll stay on healthy path.  It is in the forgetting of him and in my believing that I’m soooo special and unique (and alone) that I wallow in my own despair.  I’m so lucky and blessed.  I am soooo lucky.  Thank you Popo.

For a non-religious man, it is ironic that Popo inspires me spiritually.  There is a stiff breeze stirring the trees outside.  I have to get off my butt and get outside to breathe it.

~ by the10sdoc on May 25, 2009.